I want to be able to further my education, get a job, and form functional and meaningful relationships, but I realize that I’m not able to because of severe psychological trauma and soul stress. Pathetically, I watch as other, younger people progress in their lives while I’m stuck in the mud. I feel as if I’m slowly reaching a breaking point with having to deal with these trauma symptoms so I want to arrange an mental health assessment through my PC to get a diagnosis and hopefully begin a helpful treatment plan. The problem is that I’m terrified that if I let them know I’m dealing with pedophilia, they will report me. I haven’t told my family or anyone about my conditions and, honestly, I think being reported would send me over the edge–or bring me close to the edge. I know that I need to be more proactive to resolve this and to do that, I need professional help as soon as possible, but I don’t know if it’s safe enough for me to be honest with them.
When you go to see a medical doctor, you tell him your physical symptoms (cough, fever, loss of appetite). He then evaluates your body for further symptoms that he knows you won’t necessarily notice (blood pressure, reflexes, throat condition, etc.). After collecting all of this data about your symptoms, he then tries to identify the root cause of your physical illness (bacteria, virus, toxicity, etc.).
When you see a psychological counsellor, a similar process is used. By talking with you, the counsellor collects information about the psychological symptoms you are having so that they can identify the root cause.
To gain and hold a license as a counsellor, you have to jump through a lot of hoops, and you have to submit to years of training that will teach you what the current acceptable diagnoses are. Unfortunately, a whole lot of nonsense is affecting how psychological issues are diagnosed, and the result is that many of our current “official” diagnoses are just plain wrong. Once a diagnosis becomes “official”, if you go against it as a licensed counsellor, you can get in major trouble and you can also get permanently banned from ever counselling again. Due to the immense stress and financial strain that you put yourself through just to become licensed, you are naturally going to be highly motivated to avoid doing anything that could trash your career and get you slapped with the much feared label of “malpractice.” So counsellors are under a lot of pressure to conform to the politics of the field, and like any field of study, human psychology is loaded with politics.
It’s useful for you to understand that counsellors are having to work under a lot of restrictions regarding how they diagnose root causes, and also how they attempt to deal with various symptoms. Deviant sexual appetites are a good example here, because the rules surrounding these issues have recently undergone a major overhaul. The truth is that any attempt to suppress and alter the natural sex drive is a clear indication of subconscious stress. This means that things like bisexuality, homosexuality, pedophilia, and transsexualism should all be treated as symptoms of significant psychological stress. The correct goal would then be to try to reduce the internal stress load by addressing the fears and pain that are fuelling it. Treating abnormal sex drives should not involve any attempts to coerce, shun, or punish the affected person. The primary motivation in trying to help a gay man should not be to “turn him straight.” Instead, the goal should be to reduce his mental stress load. These are two very different goals.
Historically, people have done an abysmal job of treating abnormal sex drive symptoms. Historically, the primary motivation for treating a gay man was to “make him straight,” or, at the very least, prevent him from acting on his gay impulses. Well, as soon as we’re focusing entirely on suppressing the symptom, we’re doing it wrong. Homosexuality is a symptom that is fuelled by psychological stress. Not mild stress, but significant stress. It takes a lot of effort on the part of the subconscious to keep the natural sex drive suppressed, and this is what is happening in cases of strong homosexuality. Your subconscious isn’t interested in wasting resources, so it only uses strong forms of suppression when it feels it is necessary to do so.
Now in real life, once the mind becomes significantly stressed, it will start exhibiting multiple stress symptoms. As you can see from your own life, you have multiple negative symptoms hounding you in the day to day. If your stress load were to start lowering, those symptoms would start to scale back but there is no way to predict the order in which they will diminish. This is why focusing too much on a specific symptom is the wrong approach. If a counsellor were to correctly treat a gay man, for example, he would focus on understanding why that man’s subconscious feels so stressed, and he would try to help the man deal with those core fears and concerns. As the man’s mind calms down, his stress symptoms will scale back, but at this point, he will have multiple stress symptoms, not just homosexuality. The counsellor can’t predict when the man’s mind will feel safe enough to stop suppressing his natural sex drive. In many cases, the mind scales back other symptoms first while it keeps a tight grip on its defences surrounding sex.
Every mind has logical reasons for the way it behaves. From the perspective of your own mind, every stress symptom you are currently dealing with is serving a specific purpose in trying to get you through the day. The value and urgency that your mind has assigned to each symptom will influence when it feels comfortable in reducing that symptom. Some defensive behaviours are more critical than others to your mind. While sex drive overrides seem pretty drastic on the surface, they aren’t always considered to be critical defences to your mind.
The most critical defences take the longest to scale back because the mind won’t dare to change them until it feels it is safe enough to do so. In cases of pedophilia, there are wide range of values assigned to this symptom. For many minds, pedophilia is a mild symptom, and they are quick to drop it once they get help with root causes. For other minds, pedophilia is a very strong symptom, and they are slower to let it go. It all just depends on how minds interpreted their past traumatic experiences and which aspects of those experiences they focused on the most. Pedophilia is usually caused by the mind focusing on the issue of age. Homosexuality and bisexuality are generally caused by a focus on gender. Transsexuality is often a focus on gender, but with a strong additional focus on specific anatomy. You can focus on gender and age at the same time, which can easily result in you being a gay pedophile. But in this situation, your mind will typically feel more agitated by one of these factors. If it is especially upset by the gender issue, then I would expect the pedophilia symptom to fade before the homosexual symptom. If your mind was more upset by the age issue, then I would expect the reverse to occur: you would likely find your homosexual desires fading sooner than you’d notice significant changes to the pedophilia symptoms.
I explain all of that to help you understand why historical attempts to treat abnormal sex drives have been so horrific and ineffective: because the focus has been on suppressing the symptom, not on dealing with root causes. In an effort to correct its past errors, the field of psychology has recently swung to the opposite extreme and declared it to be some kind of crime to suggest that abnormal sex drives are, well, abnormal. Today a growing number of counsellors are being threatened with all sorts of punishments if they try to suggest that abnormal sex drives are what they are: symptoms of psychological stress. Today there is immense pressure to promote the very harmful deception that people naturally gravitate towards a variety of different sexual partners and we shouldn’t read anything more into it than that. Well, that’s like a medical doctor looking at some itchy rash that’s breaking out all over you and saying, “Some people just develop these random rashes in life. I can’t prescribe you any medication, or I’d be treating this rash as a problem, which I legally can’t do, so I guess you’ll just have to live it with the best you can.” The field of psychology is utterly failing people who are struggling with symptoms of sexual deviancy. It has failed them in the past by torturing and shunning them. Now it is failing them in a whole new way by pandering to them and pressuring them to relabel clear signs of mental distress as perfectly normal. The whole issue utterly disgusts me, because what I see are a bunch of stressing minds getting kicked to the curb. As counsellors, we are supposed to be helping people, not making things worse.
When you happen to be struggling with an issue that has become politicized in this field, you need to be aware of how all of the internal drama might negatively affect the treatment you receive. Depending on what the laws are in your area, a counsellor might not feel like he can risk identifying your bisexualism as “abnormal,” even though it is. Now of course lying always makes problems worse, and today there are a lot of pedophiles saying, “Hey, if you are all going to kiss up to the gays and tell them how wonderful they are all, how can you justify still picking on us just because we want to have sex with kids? We should be free to act on our impulses as well. If transsexuals get their own bathrooms, we should get a free pass to do it with any kid we want as long as the kid is agreeable.” This is the impossible corner health professionals have backed themselves into by lying their faces off about how the human sex drive is designed to work. And as you can see, there is no easy answer here. No one wants to throw their kids to the wolves, but no one wants to stop pandering to gays, bis, and trans, either, so now we’re all at an impossible impasse. When you approach a counsellor as a bisexual pedophile, you’ve got one symptom he’s supposed to treat as “normal”, and another symptom that he’s supposed to flag as making you a potential threat to others. With such nonsense rules, how is a counsellor ever going to help you see the connection between these symptoms? He can’t help you see something that he can’t see himself, and with all of the brainwashing that goes on in the process of gaining degrees in psychology, a lot of counsellors are truly at a loss when it comes to how to correctly diagnose root causes. What does this mean for you? It means you need to change how you ask for help.
I believe that there are a lot of good counsellors out there, but I think you’ll benefit a lot more from what they have to offer if you can do your own diagnosing. As you can see by the things I’ve explained in this post, diagnosing mental health problems has been turned into a murky mess, and a lot of counsellors are inept in this area, often through no fault of their own. But if you can come to a counsellor already understanding what your core issues are, then you can skip the bulk of the diagnostic process and see if they have anything useful to offer as a means of dealing with your core stress.
In your case, you have several negative symptoms spawning from a single traumatic event: being sexually assaulted as a young kid. Instead of listing out your symptoms, I would advise that you instead lead with your traumatic experience. “I was sexually abused as a boy and I’m looking for help in resolving the stress that that has caused me.” This is a better way to frame your issue than listing a bunch of specific symptoms that your counsellor might get too hung up on.
Now from what you’ve shared about your situation, it sounds to me like you have a pretty mild case of pedophilia. You are also a strong passive, and that indicates you are far more likely to harm yourself than you are to harm others. Based on what you’ve shared, your mind is not demonstrating an interest in actively seeking out relationships with boys (notice how your normal heterosexual drive is still fully in tact). Even on a fantasy level, it puts you in the role of victim, and the boy in the role of molester. I use the term “molester” because your mind wants the boy to dominate you, and as soon as we start any form of domination, we have left the realm of healthy sex and become abusive instead. Molestation is about domination, and based on the way your mind is behaving, you are a greater risk for subjecting yourself to molestation than you are for trying to subject someone else. This is common behaviour for a passive who acquires pedophilia. Many passive pedophiles are never going to become active child molesters because their minds view the act of assaulting a real child to be threatening, not helpful.
There are many trauma symptoms which cause people to become a serious threat to others. When these symptoms arise, there is an urgent need to intervene and help the affected person find better ways of managing his stress load while he works on root causes. For example, if you were obsessively fantasizing about raping children (which is the case for some pedophiles), then I’d be giving you different advice, because that kind of mental pattern demonstrates a desperate need to regain a sense of power. In such a situation, it is vital to help the affected person find practical ways that he can gain a sense of power today which do not involve harming others. But what I’m seeing with you is a slow and steady decline into general burnout due to your mind not receiving help with its core issues. This certainly does need attention, and I think it could be extremely beneficial for you to talk to a counsellor at this point. But you should focus on root causes from the beginning, not introduce a bunch of distraction by discussing all of your symptoms. Think of it like this: you aren’t going to help your immune system fight off a cold by obsessing over your cough. The cough is a drag, sure, but the common cold is caused by a viral infection, and your immune system needs support in fighting off that specific kind of pathogen. In the same way, you aren’t going to help your mind by spending hours talking about how awkward you feel about being attracted to young boys. You’ve already spent years mulling over your surface symptoms, and that hasn’t gotten you anywhere. To move forward, you need to stop obsessing over symptoms and deal with root causes.
Regardless of what symptoms emerge, trauma is always caused by devastating beliefs. It is those beliefs that need to be dealt with. For example, sexual assault victims often end up feeling like they have been stripped of power, and that they are no longer capable of controlling what happens to their bodies. Your subconscious cannot relax when it feels incapable of protecting you. To recover from this trauma, you will need to regain a reasonable sense of power and control over your own life. You will also need to regain a sense of self-worth as well. Changing your core beliefs often requires changing your behaviours in strategic ways, and this is the sort of guidance a counsellor should be able to offer you. But realise that you will have to do the work if you’re going to getting anywhere.
You can be honest about your core beliefs without getting into details about all of your stress symptoms. By keeping the focus on what originally happened to you, and how those events made you feel, you will become more aware of how those events shaped the beliefs that are causing you to feel so stressed today. The point is that you can get a lot of good work done without saying the words “I’m attracted to boys” or “I’m bisexual.” The symptoms are not the key issue; the beliefs are. The main value of the symptoms is that they provide very helpful clues as to what real life events caused the trauma in the first place. But once you’ve been able to trace back and identify those key events, the focus of counselling is supposed to shift away from analysing symptoms and onto resolving traumatic beliefs.
The reason I work independently and create sites like this is because I refuse to mistreat hurting people just to protect my own hide, and that is what I feel goes on far too often in the field of psychology. I believe it is grossly negligent to lie to people about their mental health, and to tell them they’re doing great when their minds are obviously crying for help. I also believe that counsellors have a moral obligation to look beyond people’s issues and see the positive potential that God has built into every human being. When humans act like monsters, they do so in an attempt to manage their own pain. All offenders–including sex offenders–were victims themselves before they started attacking others. It is the counsellor’s job to try to help the hurting victim who is dwelling within the violent offender. When counsellors fail to do this because they are so horrified by the crimes the person has committed, they are failing in their roles. While such failings should be viewed with compassion, they should never be considered acceptable practice for any counsellor anywhere. Yet the reality is that some human behaviours are so disturbing that very few of us have the ability to see the potential and value of the people who do them. You can’t acquire this ability in a classroom; you can only get it from God. But if God does call you into this line of work, and if He decides to put you through the kind of training that is necessary to be able to see the best in the worst, then you have a responsibility to Him to not use ridiculous human politics as an excuse for not exercising the ability He’s given you. We need more counsellors who can work with sex offenders without treating them like subhumans. As long as such people are in short supply, extra caution is needed when it comes to how much you share about certain stress symptoms in a counselling office.
This post was written in response to OneRoughDiamond.