Is it Okay for Me to Ejaculate in a Mare?

READER CAUTION: This post contains an in-depth discussion of the psychological mechanics involved in addictions to raping humans and animals. Reader discretion is advised.

I have a question and would like an answer. It’s a question I can’t get an answer to because I always get negative response. I understand if you don’t want to answer I really do. I would like a get a nice response and possibly an answer. So here it goes I have sex with a mare and was wanting to know if it’s ok to ejaculate in her?

Due to the sensitive nature of this question, I answered you directly when you first asked it. However it seems the email you provided was not correct, so I will now answer you here.

The answer, as you already know, is that no, it’s not okay for you to ejaculate in a mare. Setting aside the fact that this is likely considered an illegal activity in your area, there are moral, spiritual, psychological, and physical reasons why you shouldn’t be doing this.

Let’s start with the moral issues. You are raping this animal by forcing her to engage in sexual interactions against her will and it is never okay to sexually assault any living creature. It is unacceptable for you to be putting your penis into any orifice on the mare’s body, and since you shouldn’t be inside her in the first place, it’s obvious that ejaculating in her is also wrong. You’re essentially asking, “Now that I’ve beaten this person to pulp with a baseball bat, is it okay if I also kick him in the face?” Well, no, obviously not. But you know this already.

Horses and other members of the equine family all have the capacity to become psychologically traumatised, and the way you are treating this animal is going to have that effect on her. Given the fact that she could easily kill you with a few well placed kicks, you are probably restraining her either physically or chemically so that you can abuse her in this manner. At some point you need to step back and take an honest look at what you’re doing. But I suspect you have already done this, and that you’re not coming to me because you’re in an honest quandary about the moral side of this. We both know that you can easily find people who will give you the answer you want to hear, because there are plenty of people who are in the grips of this same kind of addiction who feel a desperate need to verbally affirm each other in what they’re doing. The fact that you’re coming to me about this issue, given what I do and the manner in which I do it, makes it clear that what you’re really wanting to know is why you are feeling so compelled to do this. I know that you are feeling deeply disturbed by your own behaviour, and are likely very confused and horrified by the fact that you are experiencing very real pleasure when doing it. I also understand and sympathize with the fact that it is often physically impossible for people in your position to ask the questions they most need answers to. So in this post, I’ll explain some things that I’m sure you’re wanting to know, and then you can decide where to go from there.

Physical Concerns

First let’s deal with the physical side of things. Mares and humans are not designed to have sexual intercourse with each other. Due to the fact that your victim is going to be psychologically distressed by what you’re doing to her, her body will react to you in a way that will increase the chances of you doing damage to her internal organs during intercourse. You are shoving your penis into openings that were not designed to receive it, and that poses major problems for both of you.

Animals and humans are both toting around many kinds of bacteria that are designed to thrive in various sections of their anatomy. The tricky thing about this is that different bacteria reside in different parts of the body, and mixing species can result in some very ugly health problems. The critters living in your anus, for example, are not meant to interact with the critters living in your mouth or the ones residing in your urinary tract. The same is true for the mare: she also has her various groups of microscopic helpers and baddies who are residing in various sections of her anatomy. When you shove your penis into any opening on an animal’s body, you are picking up a bunch of critters that your own anatomy is not designed to handle. Since you are obviously not using a condom, you are basically forcing loads of these things directly into your exposed urinary tract and into your skin during intercourse. From there, they can migrate to other areas of your body or simply dig in and reek havoc where they are at. The bottom line is that you are setting yourself up for some very serious health problems by doing this.

Rapists often get so focused on their victims that they fail to recognize the self-abuse that is happening when they assault others. What you’re doing is very self-abusive. You are treating your own body with gross disrespect and forcing it to do things it does not want to do. What did your body do to deserve being attacked like this? Nothing.

In a situation like yours, I understand that talking about the suffering of your victim isn’t going to mean much to you because your own internal suffering is so intense that you don’t have any resources left to focus on her. So let’s focus on you instead, and get honest about the fact that the method you’re using to try to help one part of yourself (your mind) is severely distressing the two other parts of your being. Your body wants nothing to do with raping someone, because that is not only an exhaustive physical activity, but it’s also giving your body a host of new problems to deal with, such as exposure to pathogens and tissue abrasion. In cases like this, your body is being coerced into obeying the orders your mind is giving it, and your mind is currently so stressed that it’s actually harming the same body that it feels a desperate to protect.

Spiritual Concerns

Your soul is also being traumatised here, as it is being forced to come along and witness you doing something that grossly violates its own moral code. Just as your body needs food, your soul needs to feel you are a morally decent person, according to its own definition of that term. When you keep behaving in a way that your soul cannot approve of, you cause its stress level to rise to unbearable levels. In self-defence, your soul then scrambles to find some way to bring its stress level back down. One option is to try to support what your mind is doing by somehow deciding it is okay with it. Often it is impossible for your soul to change its views like this, no matter how much it might want to.

This compelling need you’re experiencing to try to get someone outside of yourself to verbally affirm what you’re doing is coming from your soul. It is hoping that if it can get some outside source to morally sign off on what you’re doing, that will somehow help reduce its distress. The problem is that your soul’s own opinion on this issue isn’t weak, it’s strong–so strong that it is unable to talk itself into altering its own moral code on this issue of raping the mare. Once your soul fails to change its personal view on this issue, it no longer matters what anyone else says. The whole world could applaud what you’re doing and your soul would still be in a crisis because it would be unable to agree with other people’s assessment of you. Your soul’s own honest assessment about what you’re doing is far more influential on your health and internal well-being than what anyone else says.

Now in your case, you’ve got a bunch of people affirming what your soul already believes: that what you’re doing to the mare is wrong. This kind of affirmation only amplifies your soul’s distress. Reaching out to an authority figure like me is a way of trying to cancel out some of the answers other people have given you. The hope here is that if the counsellor says it’s okay, that will help your soul fluff off all of the people who have already told you this is wrong, because you can tell yourself that they don’t really know what they’re talking about. But again, it no longer matters what anyone says because your own soul can’t change it’s mind on this. The moment your soul tried and failed to get comfortable with this rape issue on its own, it lost the battle. It can no longer get the help it needs by having outside parties affirm what your mind is doing. It needs your mind to either stop acting this way, or it needs to find a moral authority who is a lot higher than humans to weigh in with a fresh perspective.

The critical caution for you is: don’t underestimate the power of your own soul. Extreme soul stress can cripple your ability to function at all if it drags on for too long. If you don’t take any steps to try to deal with the root cause of this rape addiction, your soul will start using more extreme defences, all of which are going to have very negative consequences for your mind and body.

Root Causes

Now that we’ve talked about body and soul, let’s talk about the part of you that is creating this crisis in the first place. Your mind (specifically your subconscious) is the one demanding that you rape the mare. Why? Well, rape is a way to dominate someone on multiple levels of their being simultaneously. If you use a violent, forceful style, and if you can see evidence of your victim being in distress while you rape them, the rush of power you feel in the moment will be intensified. It is the power rush that your mind is after here, not the sex. The reason your mind is insisting on a sexual way of triggering that power rush has to do with how your own power crisis was created.

Now the fact that you have been able to persist in doing this, and the fact that you’re cycling between a sense of satisfaction and a need for another boost as you move through these rape sessions indicates that your mind has an aggressive temperament. There are two kinds of subconscious temperaments (passive versus aggressive) and you are either one or the other. Your temperament is permanent and cannot be changed. Both temperaments have strengths and weaknesses. While neither one is better than the other, they both enhance each other in wonderful ways. To put it simply, humans are at their best when these two temperaments are working in tandem instead of trying to avoid each other.

Passives and aggressives use some very different methods when it comes to managing the stress from psychological trauma, which is what you’re dealing with. Aggressives naturally try to manage their stress by forms of lashing out. Once their internal stress levels pass a certain point, aggressives will feel a strong need to use some method of physical violence to vent that stress out of their system. There are many ways for them to do this that don’t involve hurting anyone or committing crimes. Playing violent video games, engaging in competitive sports, doing a brief session of intense exercise, giving a punching bag a proper doing–all of these methods can be extremely beneficial for rapidly venting psychological and spiritual stress out of the system. Your mind, soul, and body are designed in such a way that it is possible for them to aid each other in lowering their personal stress levels. Your body is particularly excellent at venting emotional stress from both your soul and mind out of your system in the same way that a vent shaft in a volcano allows hot steam to escape the mountain instead of being trapped inside. All humans use physical means of venting emotional stress every day of their lives. Aggressives just tend to be more consciously connected with their need to vent stress through physical activity, and they tend to choose more dramatic activities than passives do.

When passives rape, which they do, they do it in ways that are very subtle and which often go undetected by their victims. I won’t get into those complicated dynamics here, because I don’t think they are relevant for you. When aggressives rape, their method typically looks like rape to an outside observer, which leads to the common but false assumption that all rapists are aggressives. If we define rape as a form of violent physical assault, then yes, aggressives are going to be the main offenders. When passives try to use violent assault–which some do in cases of extreme stress–they experience intense psychological backlash afterwards because the method is very upsetting to their core temperament. Passives generally feel threatened and upset by physical violence; they don’t find calming. But aggressives can find violent outbursts extremely calming, and a traumatised aggressive will often feel like a burden has been temporarily lifted off of him immediately after such an outburst whereas a passive will tend to feel immediately upset and alarmed by his own actions.

Defining rape as a form of physical assault is necessary when it comes to laws that are designed to focus on behaviours instead of motivations. But from an internal perspective, rape is about dominating someone in one of the most extreme ways available to humans. Because we view sex as such an intimate activity, and because sex has such a profound impact on every part of our being, when we rape someone, we are trying to prove our supremacy over them not just externally but also internally.

Rape does far more damage internally than it does externally.  For aggressive rapists, causing internal damage is often their primary goal because by raping their victims, they are trying to reverse the internal damage that was done to them in their own lives.  

Suppose you’re climbing up a flight of stairs and a jerk named Joe suddenly shoves you down three steps.  Now he snickers as he glares down at you, and his higher altitude makes him look intimidating and puts you at a difficult attack angle.  But suppose you respond by rushing up to Joe’s stair and shoving him so hard that he ends up five stairs lower than you.  Now you are the guy on top and Joe is no longer smirking, he’s crying.  Serves him right.

This stair analogy illustrates what your mind is trying to accomplish by having you rape the mare.  In your own life, someone did something to you that caused you to feel humiliated, conquered, and stripped of power. Your Original Enemy was like bully Joe, who violently shoved you down the stairs just because he could.   Because you are an aggressive temperament, your mind cannot endure you just cowering wherever Joe shoved you, allowing him to revel in his domination of you.  Instead, your mind needs you to get your power back ASAP, and that means reversing positions with Joe. Ideally, you do to him what he did to you and a dash more.  But in real life, your “Joe” is likely someone who absolutely terrifies you therefore you are too afraid to attack them directly.  Typically in these cases, the Original Enemy is someone who is either inaccessible or too scary to attack back.  Yet as an aggressive, your mind cannot get comfortable with you feeling stripped of all power.  You must find a way to get your internal sense of power back.  Since you can’t attack your Original Enemy directly, you start looking for a safer target. 

Symbolic Animals

There are two main ways that animals enter into this kind of dilemma.  One possibility is that you feel so internally fragile (thanks to what your Original Enemy did to you), that you’re not at all confident you can succeed at conquering even a wimpy human.  When you are in this kind of crisis, you feel so psychologically fragile that you cannot risk starting a fight that you’re not sure you can win.  When even wimpy humans seem too scary, to increase your own power advantage (and chance of success), you might turn instead to an animal.  Animals seem a lot safer to attack because they can’t talk, and that means they can’t tell anyone about the way you raped them or the kinds of restraints you used to make sure they couldn’t defend themselves. Because a much lower value is generally set on animal life than human life, attacking an animal violently can feel like a much safer venture because if things go wrong and you accidentally kill the thing, who is going to care?

Now if you’re defaulting to animals because you simply need a victim who seems safer and easier to attack than a human, then whatever terrible thing your Original Enemy did to you did not have to be sexual in nature.  While being sexually assaulted or raped yourself can certainly get you here, being severely dominated physically or psychologically is also enough to trigger this kind of defence strategy.  For example, a father who randomly beats you up will cause you to feel externally and internally degraded, especially if he uses a taunting style and forces you to act submissive in his presence. In the midst of such an attack, aggressives will sometimes resort to using passive defence strategies by grovelling in front of their attackers in order to get the torture fest to end and save themselves physical injury.  The problem is that neither temperament can use tricks from the other temperament’s playbook without experiencing major psychological backlash.  Aggressives are not designed to use grovelling as a defence, and when they feel forced to, it only intensifies their trauma.

Because the counselling dynamic often feels too dominating to aggressives (due to many counsellors not understanding the aggressive point of view, and therefore using the wrong style of communication), they often feel that they’d rather die than sign up for a counselling session, and this makes them feel like they have to rely solely on their own ideas to help themselves resolve their stress.  The problem here is that the kinds of self-help strategies that traumatised minds come up with usually make things worse, not better.  Getting outside help is often vital in these cases, because your mind needs better ideas about how it can help lower its stress.

In the scenario I just explained, the animal is an easy target to your mind.  Rape is the preferred method of attack because it feels like such a fast and efficient way to dominate and degrade your victim both externally and internally. 

Now in this kind of situation, a large animal can be preferable to a small one because dominating a creature who is physically bigger than you can make you feel more powerful.  Remember that the underlying goal here is to regain a personal sense of power—power that you feel was stripped away from you by your Original Enemy, and power which you feel is critical for your survival.

Since it’s a lot easier to get your hands on a dog or cat than it is a mare, your choice of animal indicates that your mind wants the mare specifically.  It’s not just using whatever is to hand, nor is it focused on convenience.  It needs the mare because there are specific qualities about her that your mind feels have symbolic importance.  It could be something as simple as her size being larger than you.  Your Original Enemy was likely larger than you at the time he or she trashed you, so your mind could be wanting a big animal to serve as a symbolic stand-in for your Original Enemy. 

Symbolic Victims

Symbolic stand-ins are very common in rape situations.  The victim will usually symbolise the rapist’s Original Enemy in some way.  What defines a satisfying target for you depends on what specific qualities from your Original Enemy your subconscious is trying to match in your victim.  Size is just one possibility.  Gender is another very common matching issue for rapists, so part of your draw to the mare could be that she is female if your Original Enemy was female. There could also be other anatomical details, such as her colouring.  Suppose your Original Enemy was a woman with long black hair and your mare has a long black mane and tail.  Your subconscious could lock onto these qualities as satisfying matches.  Your mind could also be trying to match the skin colour of your Original Enemy with the colour of the mare’s coat. The more matches your mind sees between your current victim and your Original Enemy, the more intense your psychological relief will be when you rape your victim.  But by now you know that that relief is extremely temporary and when it wears off, you find yourself desperately needing another hit.  Why isn’t the relief longer lasting? Why is this raping business turning into an addiction which is gaining more and more of a hold on you?

The reason you can’t resolve the core problem by raping the mare is because the method you’re using isn’t doing anything to address the real crisis.  At this point, there are specific psychological beliefs that are causing you to feel terrifyingly weak and shattered inside.  Those specific beliefs need to be identified and strategically reversed using effective methods. What you’re doing right now is the equivalent of covering an infected wound with a large bandage just so you won’t have to see it.  While hiding the disturbing visual will certainly help you feel better in the moment, that wound is going to continue to fester because you’re not doing anything to clear out the actual infection.

Sexual Assault Traumas

I’ve explained how your mind can fixate on an animal victim without you having any personal history of sexual assault. A second possibility is that you have been sexually assaulted in the past. If that is the case, the mare likely has a different kind of significance to your mind. She is still functioning as a symbol of what originally happened to you, but a history of sexual assault introduces new possibilities for what those symbols might be.

Original Environment Matches

As I explained in the previous post on microphilia, whenever something traumatic happens to you, your subconscious will hyperfocus on certain details of your surroundings. It will then form strong mental associations between those details and the terrible experience you had.  When the terrible experience was sexual in nature, being around those specific details that your mind selected can cause you to have a strong sense of sexual arousal.  This is a fear based arousal, which is a very different concept from the normal arousal that a happily married man would experience towards his wife.

PENIS REACTIONS

Rapists are always experiencing a fear-based arousal.  An important principle for you to understand is that an erect penis is not necessarily a happy penis. In your case, your body is feeling extremely distressed because it is picking up on how much stress your subconscious is in.  It always scares your body when your mind is freaking out about something, because your body needs your mind to help it function. 

When male rapists want to use their penises to rape their victims, an erection is required for mechanical reasons.  It is commonly believed that the male penis will not become erect unless the male (of any age) internally likes or wants what is happening to him.  All of my male rape victims need to permanently engrave this into their minds: that assumption is 100% bull.  Remembering that your body feels utterly subservient to and dependent on your mighty subconscious will help you understand why your body will force your penis to stiffen for a variety of reasons. Terror can give you as firm of a penis as desire.  For many sexual assault victims, they can only get erect when they are terrified, because they are so repulsed by sexual interactions that having a joyful view of sex feels completely impossible.

It’s also helpful for males to understand that fear-based erections can be caused by your body or your mind.  Your subconscious’ influence over your body is so vast that it can actually override your body’s systems and force your body to do things that it either can’t or doesn’t want to do.  The fact that the penis is covered in nerves that will report positive sensations when touched by anyone for any reason does not mean that some part of you enjoyed being groped or molested or fondled or raped.  Your neural responses have nothing to do with your psychological and spiritual assessment of what happened to you.  Your subconscious is 100% against your body being hurt in any way or coerced into giving people more access to it than your mind wants them to have.  Your mind is like the Chief of Security over your body and it wants to make all of the calls about who touches you where, how, and for how long.  Anytime someone tries to override or ignore your mind’s authority in this area, it becomes upset and it defines that person as a threat regardless of what kinds of sensations your body’s physical nerves are reporting.

Now back to our mare situation.  Your body doesn’t want to stick its most delicate member into any animal’s body.  The normal male reaction to the idea of having sex with a male would be strong internal repulsion paired with an entirely limp penis.  But in your case, we find the opposite. There is a strong internal attraction paired with a very excited penis.  This is a case of your mind coercing your body into getting erect so that you can physically do the symbolic behaviour that your mind wants, which is to rape the animal.

Re-Enacting Assault

Now if you have a history of being sexually assaulted by your Original Enemy, then your raping behaviour takes on a different tone.  In this case, you are likely going to be re-enacting what was done to you by your Original Enemy.  If you were groped, you will probably grope the mare.  If certain things were said to you, you will probably say similar things to the mare.  What you’re doing here is trying to swap roles with your Original Enemy and do to the mare what was done to you.  A close behavioural re-enactment of your original assault is often the goal here (with some modifications required due to the mare not being human). 

Now when aggressives use this kind of copycat behaviour, and especially when they do it at very young ages (such as child-to-child molestation or rape) they are often focused on trying to understand what was originally done to them and why.  The goal is to reenact the original assault for the purpose of trying to make logical sense out of it.  In the case of child aged rapists, there is also a secondary goal of trying to understand if the aggressive’s own reaction was “normal.”  For example, after being molested by her mother, Jane molests her younger cousin in order to study how the cousin reacts.  She then compares the cousin’s reaction with her own reaction to being molested and tries to figure out if her own reaction was normal or not.  In these situations, the subconscious’ primary goal is to gather more information about an extremely upsetting and confusing experience so it can try to make sense of it.

If your mind is using the strategy I just described to any degree, you will be very focused on scrutinising the mare’s reaction to the way you are interacting with her.  This will only be effective if she’s awake.  If you have her knocked out on drugs or something close to that effect, your mind is likely not trying to compare notes on victim reactions to assault.

Environmental Details

A very common way that the sex drive gets redirected towards animals is due to your mind noticing an animal presence in your environment while your Original Enemy was attacking you.  When this is what triggers bestiality, the kind of animal you become sexually aroused by usually has to match the animal from your original environment.  The original animal did not have to be alive. In your case, a statue or drawing of a horse would have been sufficient.  Even the sound of a horse neighing in the distance could trigger this kind of obsession.  Once your mind linked the concept of a horse to your own experience of sexual assault, it could then push you to sexually assault a horse as a way of trying to examine and understand what originally happened to you.  As I explained earlier, in these kinds of re-enactments, you will likely try to interact with the horse in a way that was similar to how your Original Attacker interacted with you.

Responding to the Victim

Your emotional response to your victim will also provide you with clues about who the mare symbolizes to you.  If she symbolizes your Original Enemy, you will predominantly feel negatively towards her: a mix of fear and anger initially, combined with satisfaction and relief when you overcome your fear and symbolically conquer her through the act of rape.

If the mare symbolizes yourself at the time you were originally attacked, your feelings towards her will be more complex.  You will swing from a negative kind of indifference to moments of feeling sympathy and even affection for her. You might also experience sincere regret for causing her discomfort and you might feel protective over her and try to imagine that you and she are becoming friends.  In this situation, the complex blend of conflicting emotions is caused by you transferring your own feelings about your traumatised self onto the horse. 

Conclusion

As you can see, there are very complex psychological mechanics at work in this kind of situation. In this post I’ve given you an overview of the most common scenarios, but every human is unique and there are endless variations on all of these themes. The key point for you to understand is that this isn’t an issue that’s going to resolve on its own, nor is this something you can keep doing without making your own crisis even worse. The only way to break free of the need to experience yourself dominating some living creature through rape is to recognize that your subconscious is in a severe state of trauma and it needs help if it’s going to resolve its core issues. The fact that it’s resorting to raping the mare despite all of the personal angst that method is causing tells us that your mind honestly can’t see any better options right now. Minds often get stalled like this in cases of trauma, which is why they need someone else to help them get a fresh perspective. I don’t know where you’re at with God, but if you’ve already met Him, I suggest you ask Him to help you with this mess. God understands the human design far better than anyone else and He is very sympathetic about the impossible corners we find ourselves in when we are in a state of trauma. I also suggest that you read this post to gain a better understanding of what effective trauma recovery looks like.

This post was written in response to Looking for an Answer.