Understanding Homosexuality as a Response to Child-to-Child Sexual Assault

No one is born homosexual. If you’ve been told otherwise, you’ve been told wrong. Homosexuality is a psychological defence which your mind chooses to use for logical reasons. Your mind’s choices are not permanent things; they can be changed and reversed. Your mind makes decisions based on the information that it currently has. As new information comes in, it re-evaluates what it wants to do. So homosexuality should not be viewed as a permanent quality or an innate quality, because if your mind were to decide to stop using this particular defence, your homosexual desires would start to fade away all on their own and your sex drive’s natural state (which is heterosexual) would once again be able to express itself without interference.

Homosexuality is a symptom of psychological distress, much like a sore throat is a symptom of physical distress. When you come down with a sore throat, you don’t celebrate it. You don’t turn it into an identity. You don’t go around saying, “Hi, I’m John, the sore throat.” When your body starts displaying signs of a cold or flu, you recognise those things for what they are: evidence that your body’s immune system is feeling stressed and overwhelmed by some invading pathogens. When you develop homosexuality, that’s a sign that your mind is feeling stressed and overwhelmed by fear. Instead of defining yourself by your homosexuality and saying, “I’m John, and I’m gay,” you should view this issue for what it is: a symptom of psychological stress. You should then take steps to try to help your mind feel better, just as you try to help your body feel better when you come down with a cold.

Now your mind is an extremely clever and creative entity and it can decide to use the homosexuality defence for many different reasons. There is no “one size fits all” answer for why people develop homosexuality. This is critical for all of my stressing gays and lesbians to understand because in this post, I am only going to be explaining one possible reason why minds use this defence. Your own mind might be using an entirely different logic for making you feel homosexual, so if the information in this post doesn’t feel like a match to your own situation, and you want help with understanding why your own mind is using this particular defence, send me a request with some background information about your own situation and I’ll try to help you out. There are many strategies that fuel homosexuality, and they are all based on logical reasoning.

Soul Responses to Homosexuality

You don’t fix this issue by telling yourself you’re a sinful little pervert. The shame you feel about being homosexual is a soul response. Souls do not understand most of what their partner minds are doing, and when your soul doesn’t understand something, it leaps to its own assumptions about why you are behaving and feeling the way you are. Those assumptions are usually quite wrong. To help your soul calm down, we need to start by helping it understand why your mind is pushing for homosexuality in the first place. Understanding is critical to developing self-respect and self-compassion, and you need both of those things in order to resolve any kind of psychological stress.

As I said before, there are many reasons why minds use this particular defence. Each mind has its own unique personality. This means that ten different people could have the exact same experiences in life and their minds would react to those experiences ten different ways. Your soul has no control over how your mind will initially react to your life experiences, and that means your soul didn’t have any say about you developing homosexuality. This is not a soul choice, it is a mind choice. God only judges you by your soul choices, and that means He does not blame your soul for the fact that you are gay. Fearing Divine judgment about this issue is a very common source of soul distress among homosexuals, but this is a fear that is not based on truth. While there are certainly a lot of humans out there who insist that “God hates gays,” those humans are very confused about how God views this issue. Unlike people, God never mistakes psychological issues for spiritual issues. Even when we do have spiritual issues, God is far more compassionate and kind than most of us realise. But for gays who are struggling with shame about being gay, it is critical to realise what the limits of your soul actually are in this area. Your soul has no control over how your mind chooses to manipulate your sex drive, and your mind has the power to drastically alter who and what you feel sexually attracted to. The sooner you understand that this is an issue that is beyond the control of your soul, the sooner you can stop blaming your soul for what is happening.

Degrees of Suppression

Now when you decide to take a walk, you also decide how intense your pace is going to be. You can stroll along slowly, or you can decide to strut as fast as you can. When your mind decides to use a certain defence strategy, it also makes choices about how much energy it will spend on using that particular defence. Weak forms of homosexuality often leave part of your normal sex drive intact, which results in a kind of bisexuality, where you can still feel some attraction to the opposite sex lurking somewhere underneath a top layer of attraction to the same sex. Weak forms of homosexuality can develop more slowly than stronger forms, which can result in a lot of confusion when you’re going through puberty, because part of you wants to pursue girls, but another part of you feels attracted to boys. As time goes on, you will tend to drift more towards an attraction to your own sex, as your mind continues to suppress your normal heterosexual drive.

It’s important to understand that your normal sex drive hasn’t been replaced, it has been suppressed. When your mind modifies your sex drive like this, it’s like a man tossing shovelfuls of dirt onto a tree stump. Eventually, the stump disappears from view underneath the mound of dirt, but it still exists. In the same way, your natural sex drive still exists right now, it’s just being suppressed. In weak forms of homosexuality, you can still connect with your natural sex drive–sometimes constantly, sometimes just for brief periods of time. In strong forms of homosexuality, you can’t sense your original drive at all, and you lose all ability to feel sexually attracted to members of the opposite sex. In fact, you might even feel strongly repulsed by them. Remember that there are many types of homosexuality. Some cause you to feel a strong repulsion to the opposite sex, while others simply cause you to lose interest in sexually engaging with them, but you’re still comfortable interacting with them socially.

Timing plays a big role in determining how confused your soul feels about this issue. When your mind activates a strong form of homosexuality well before you reach puberty (the teen years), you end up never experiencing any sexual attraction to the opposite sex–only to your own sex. When your soul observes this, it logically assumes that you must have been born gay, because it can’t see any evidence that your normal sex drive is still intact. While this is a logical assumption to make, it’s quite false. No one is born gay, but many minds begin to heavily suppress the natural sex drive during the childhood years, and that is why those children never get a chance to experience their natural heterosexual impulses during the teen years.

Puberty is a body thing. Puberty is a biological process during which your body’s sex drive becomes fully activated. Before puberty begins, your body is not interested in sex. The human sex drive is like an app on your phone that is programmed not to fully activate until 30 days after you buy it. When you buy the phone, the app is there, but you can’t use it yet. Instead, you have to wait until it’s ready. In the same way, the body is not ready for sexual engagement until it goes through puberty. When the body is forced into sexual activities before it’s ready for them, all kinds of problems happen.

The form of homosexuality we’re going to learn about in this post occurs when the body is sexually interacted with too soon. A very common way this happens is when children are sexually assaulted by adults or by other children. Unfortunately, children sexually assaulting other children is disturbingly common in this world, and many of my clients have been subjected to this kind of trauma.

Now when you are very young, you know nothing about sex. Your body isn’t biologically ready for it, and has no interest in it whatsoever. Your mind also has no interest in sex, but it is extremely interested in keeping your body safe. Because your privates are such vulnerable regions of your anatomy, your body is very sensitive about that area. Your body does not want anyone messing with its most sensitive parts because those parts are very easily damaged. Just as doesn’t want its delicate eyes and ears to be roughly handled, it doesn’t want its genitals, breasts, or bum to be fussed with by people who are not respecting the fragility of those areas.

Now your mind sees things much differently than your body does. Your body doesn’t focus on intention, it focuses on what is actually happening to it. If someone lies on top of you to rape you, first your body panics because it can’t move. Then it panics because it is experiencing shocking pain and damage being done to its delicate tissues. But while your body is reacting to its direct experience, your mind is focusing on the bigger picture.

Your mind is always trying to figure out what other people’s intentions towards you are. It also tries to anticipate how other people will react if you behave in certain ways. When someone tries to rape you, your mind views that person as having very malicious intentions towards you. It sees your rapist as someone who wants to physically harm you. Your mind then scrambles to figure out how it can get that person away from you as quickly as possible. In these crisis moments, many minds decide that the quickest way to make your attacker leave you alone is to give them what they want. This means cooperating with whatever they are telling you to do, and not trying to physically block them from touching you. The vital thing to understand here is that cooperation does not indicate a lack of fear.

When children set out to sexually abuse other children, they will often introduce their assault as a harmless game. By calling it a “game” they are trying to hide their true motivations from their victims. Sexual assault is never a game. It is always a calculated attack in which the predator is trying to accomplish very specific psychological goals. Sexual predators of any age attack for one primary reason: to try to reduce their own internal distress. The kind of internal distress predators are grappling with is so intense that they can’t see past it. They are so desperate to help themselves feel better that they do not have the resources to care about how their actions will affect you.

Now in cases of child predators, the predators themselves often do not understand their own impulses. This is because the need to sexually assault comes from the mind, and the mind will often hide its agenda from its partner soul. The souls of child predators often have no idea what their partner minds are really after when they see themselves pressuring other children to “play” and “experiment” in sexual ways. But the minds of child predators know exactly why they are doing what they are doing. Typically in these cases, the child predator will use you to try to re-enact what has already been done to him (or her) by someone else. If a child tries to anally rape you, that tells you a lot about what someone has done to him. If he tries to orally rape you, it indicates someone orally raped him in the past (or something close to it). How closely the child re-enacts what has been done to him depends on his temperament and his opportunity. A child who has been raped in the past might start out “dry raping” his victims, which means he gets into a rape position over them, but does not actually penetrate them. Clothes might be left in tact during these kinds of “games,” or they might be removed. If the risk of interference seems low, and the predator is very distressed, he might start with a more violent form of assault, using penetrative methods. But again, the predator’s personal background of assault plays a critical role here, because his own experiences are the script his mind is using to decide what to do to you.

Adult predators operate similarly to child predators, but there is often a lot more confusion for the victims when children are the predators. When an adult sexually assaults you, your soul will often identify that behaviour as morally wrong right away. But when another child pressures you into “just playing around,” your soul can often feel confused about how to categorise that experience. In many cases, souls will allow the predator to define the experience for them, so when the predator insists that there’s nothing wrong with what’s happening, and that “we’re just having fun” and that “everyone is doing stuff like this at our age,” souls can accept these explanations and decide to categorise the experience as innocent when there is nothing innocent about it.

Now while your soul can waffle about on this issue and decide that some child groping you or forcing kisses on you was “just a silly game,” your mind assesses things very differently. Your mind is always extremely upset by any form of sexual assault. Unlike your soul, your mind doesn’t give a toss what labels your predator uses with you. Your mind has its own very strong opinions about what’s okay and what’s not okay, and it is never okay with your mind for someone to force themselves on you. Your mind is much better at recognising force than your soul is. Many predators force themselves on you using verbal persuasion and implied threats. While they ask you if you want to play their game, they pose the question in a way that implies they will punish you if you refuse them. Your mind is very good at detecting these subtle threats, and once it senses that someone is using any form of coercion to gain access to your body, it immediately labels that person as a threat and goes on red alert.

Now as I explained before, cooperating with your attacker is a strategy that many minds feel is critical to minimising how much harm is done to you. The problem is that to pull off this strategy, your mind needs your body and soul to cooperate with its plan. If either of those elements gets too agitated and starts trying to resist your attacker, things could become a lot more violent–at least this is how your mind sees it. To keep those two elements calm and cooperative, your mind will often deceive them about the danger you’re in. It does this by withholding its assessment of what is happening to you. If your soul is already being conned into thinking “this is just a harmless game,” your mind might decide to use your soul’s ignorance to its advantage. As long as your soul thinks you’re not in danger, it won’t try to interfere with what your mind wants, which is for you to cooperate with your predator and give the creep what he wants so he’ll go away and leave you alone.

The key thing I want you to be learning here is how intelligent and strategic your mind is under pressure. I also want you to see how your mind and soul can form vastly different interpretations of the same life experience, with one element honestly thinking nothing bad happened, while the other concludes that you were horrifically assaulted.

A pattern I often see in adults who are grappling with severe sexual trauma is that they honestly can’t identify which life events caused their trauma. Even though they can clearly recall multiple occasions when their child peers sexually assaulted them, they honestly believe those events didn’t have any negative impact on them. This is because their souls are still clinging to their original assessments of the experiences–assessments which were usually given to them by their predators. “We’re just playing. We’re just fooling around. It’s not a big deal. It doesn’t mean anything.” Well, your soul’s opinion isn’t the only one that matters. You can’t be sure an experience didn’t bother you until you also listen to what your mind has to say about it, and in cases where adult clients are telling me it really didn’t bother them to be dry raped and kissed and groped over and over by their gang of pals, their minds are always displaying glaring signs of distress. Pedophilia. Bisexuality. Homosexuality. Transsexualism. Deviant porn addictions. Masochism. Sexual arousal triggered by images of people being tortured, and defecated on. These are the kinds of symptoms I see develop over and over in victims of child-to-child sexual assault. Regardless of what your soul says, by the time your mind is making major revisions to your natural sex drive in an effort to cope with its immense stress over what happened to you, you need to realise that yes, it bothered you. A LOT.

Defining Assault

Your mind uses a very broad definition of sexual assault. Anyone messing with your privates without your mind’s full approval is a form of sexual assault. Anyone forcing you to engage with their privates in a way that your mind is not entirely comfortable with is a form of sexual assault. Other people do not get to define when you’ve been sexually assaulted. Your own mind is the judge on this matter, and once your mind decides you’ve been assaulted, it reacts to that belief with horror and panic.

From your mind’s perspective, sexual assault is one of the worst things that could happen to you. Your mind’s primary purpose in life is to protect you from harm. When someone succeeds in sexually assaulting you, your mind feels like it has failed you to the ultimate degree. You mind cannot forgive itself for letting you down like this. So it begins to obsess over what happened to you over and over and over. It analyses the situation from every possible angle, trying to pinpoint exactly when it lost control of the situation, and trying to figure out what it needs to do to make sure it never fails you like that again.

The problem is that your mind can’t come up with any satisfying answers, despite spending an enormous amount of effort mulling over this problem 24/7. As time goes on, your mind’s stress over this issue intensifies. It feels that as long as it fails to come up with a new, better way of defending you, you are left in a dangerous state of vulnerability. After failing you in the past, your mind can’t bear the thought of failing you again in the future. It becomes desperate to find answers, and when its own analytical efforts aren’t producing enough results, it decides that it needs to step up its game and start conducting some hands on research. Here is where homosexuality can come into play.

Identifying Effects

To understand the purpose of any strategy your mind starts using, start by considering what the effects of that strategy is. What is the effect of homosexuality? It results in you pursuing intimate interactions with same sex partners. The effect helps you identify what your mind’s underlying goal is, and it’s obviously a darn important goal given how much effort your mind is spending on suppressing your natural sex drive. But why suppress your original sex drive? Because if you felt straight, you wouldn’t seek out sexual interactions with the same sex.

Regardless of what kind of sexual shift you’re dealing with–bisexualism, transsexualism, pedophilia, bestiality–think about how the shift your mind has made compares to a normal sex drive and try to identify specific behaviours and impulses you experience now that you wouldn’t experience if your natural sex drive was left intact. Those differences help you identify the specific goals your mind is trying to accomplish. In the type of homosexuality we’re talking about here (and remember, there are many types), the critical goal is to get you to sexually interact with same sex partners. Now why is that the goal? Because your mind is trying to re-enact situations in which you were sexually assaulted by the same sex.

All forms of homosexuality begin with you going through one or more experiences that greatly upset your mind. A single life experience has many different elements to it. Think about where you are right now as you’re reading this post. Take a quick look at your surroundings and identify at least 5 different details of those surroundings. You might notice a particular colour, shape, or texture. Are there other living beings in the area–any people or animals? What kinds of sounds do you hear? What’s the temperature like? Right now, your mind is recording every detail of your surroundings, but it doesn’t consider all of those details to be equally important. Instead, it will automatically focus on some details more than others. The details your mind chooses to focus on the most will affect how your mind chooses to file its memory of your surroundings. How your mind files a memory is very important because it affects how often it will access that memory in the future. For example, if you’re sitting in a park right now and your mind focuses on a large black dog that is running around nearby, then the next time you see a large black dog, your mind will likely pull up the memory of you sitting here reading this post. Once the dog becomes the primary memory tag, then how often you come across dogs in the future affects how often your mind refers to this particular park memory.

When you are assaulted by other children when you are young, your mind goes through the same routine that I just described: it focuses on certain details of that experience more than others. There is no right or wrong choice here. Your mind could choose any detail to focus on. The more upset your mind is by what happens, the more details it will choose to focus on. When your mind feels very calm, it might not bother to focus on any details at all, and just file the memory away untagged. Memories that get filed without tags are hardly ever reviewed again. Instead, it’s like they are entirely forgotten about, even though they still exist deep in your mind’s memory archives. But memories that get multiple tags linked to them are reviewed much more often. The more upset your mind is by an experience, the more tags it assigns to that memory file. Since your mind is very upset by any form of sexual assault, it always focuses on multiple details of those experiences, it assigns many tags to those memory files, and then it reviews those files very frequently.

The gender of your attacker is one detail of a sexual assault experience which your mind could choose to hyperfocus on. Your own gender is another detail. Homosexuality occurs when the mind focuses on a gender detail. Homosexuality is caused by your mind strongly linking the general concept of gender with intense psychological distress. It essentially decides that gender is a critical key to the mystery it is trying to sort out about why some terrible thing happened to you in the past. Once your mind decides that gender is a critical piece of the puzzle, it begins to obsess over that concept.

Suppose you are trying to undo a complicated knot. There are five pieces of string that have all become tangled together. Each string is a different colour. If you’re going to succeed at undoing the tangle, you have to give the problem your full concentration, right? You aren’t going to make any progress just leaving the knot on the table to sort itself out. Knots never untie themselves. You have to put in the work and time and effort to get them sorted.

To your mind, traumatic sexual experiences are like that colourful knot. Your mind wants to get the knot untangled. It wants to resolve its confusion about what happened to you. It wants to identify how it could do a better job of protecting you in the future. Your mind feels such an intense need to fix this problem that it works on it every day. It is constantly tugging at those various coloured strings, trying to understand exactly how they are entwined and trying to work them loose.

To your mind, each of those strings represents a specific detail of what happened to you. In the kind of homosexuality we’re discussing in this post, the gender of your attacker is one of those details. When your attacker is the same gender as you are, it is immensely confusing to your mind for two reasons. First, kids aren’t supposed to be getting sexual with other kids. No one has to tell your mind that your predator was behaving inappropriately. Your mind automatically understands that your body is not ready for sexual interactions, so it immediately recognises sexual assault as wrong and inappropriate.

A second issue that your mind immediately picks up on is the bizarreness of a same gender child coming onto you. Your mind is extremely observant. If it doesn’t already understand that sexual interactions are only supposed to occur between males and females at the time you are assaulted, it quickly figures this out afterwards. Just as you’d find it bizarre if a bird flew past your window with its body rotated in an upside down position, your mind finds it bizarre that your own gender is pursuing sexual reactions with you because that’s not normal.

Forget about all of the religious lectures and political malarkey and social agendas of our modern time. Your mind is programmed with a sense of correctness and normalcy right from the beginning, and it knows that something is wrong about your own gender shoving themselves on you sexually. Your mind has access to your body’s natural sex drive programming, and it can see that your body was designed to only be interested in pursuing the opposite sex. This isn’t a theory, it’s spelled out right there in your body’s coding. When your mind looks at that coding, and then looks at what happened to you, it immediately picks up on the logical error. What is wrong with your predator? Doesn’t his body have the same wiring as yours? Isn’t he supposed to only be interested in females? Why is he acting so weird? Why is he going against the rules?

As your mind tries to understand the strange behaviour of your same sex predator, it comes up with a lot of possible theories as to why someone of your same gender would act sexually attracted to you when they’re not supposed to be. One of the very distressing theories minds often come up with in these situations is that maybe you are somehow sending out the wrong signal. You’re obviously male–there’s no question of that–but are you doing something that is causing other males to think you’re a female? Are you somehow projecting “I’m a girl” kind of vibes and that’s why other males are treating you as if you are a female? In other words, maybe they aren’t the problem–maybe they really are trying to pursue females, and you are the one causing confusion by sending out the wrong signals.

If you’re identifying at all with the theory I just spelled out, here’s a critical thing to understand: you are in no way to blame for the fact that you were targeted. The logical theory I just described is 100% wrong but I wanted you to gain some understanding of how your mind can logically get to a point where it thinks you are the problem in these situations, and that maybe something about you is attracting predators towards you. But, no, the truth is that you are not the problem, nor were you “sending out the wrong signals.” Boys who prey on other boys are using a criteria that is based on some nasty thing that was done to them in their own lives. The problem lies with your predator. It is his internal stress that is making him feel compelled to attack someone. You are not the problem in these situations, so when your mind tries to assign you some responsibility in these cases, it’s just grasping at straws.

Minds don’t always get it right. They try very hard, but they get confused, and they come up with a lot of theories that are just plain wrong. But just because a theory is wrong doesn’t mean your mind won’t run with it, and in the kind of homosexuality we’re talking about in this post, a lot of minds do decide that perhaps you were treated “like the girl” because you were somehow acting like a girl (even though you weren’t). Once your mind forms this theory, and it then decides it that it needs to re-enact your trauma in order to better understand what happened to you, you can end up not only with homosexuality pushing you to seek out same sex partners, but you can also find yourself imitating the opposite sex. For males, this means acting effeminate. For females, this means acting masculine. It’s useful to realise that when the genders try to imitate each other, they often base their attempts on exaggerated stereotypes rather than fact. Not all females act as dramatic as some gay males will when they are trying to imitate females. Not all men act as grim and macho as some lesbians who are imitating males. But the key thing I want you to understand here is that your mind not only causes you to feel homosexual, it also controls how you will behave in that role. Not all homosexuals attempt to imitate the opposite gender. Among those who do, there are different agendas at work. In this post, I’m talking about a form of imitation which is being caused by confusion over why you were targeted by a sexual predator. It is also based on a false belief that your predator attracted to you because you were signalling them that you were like the opposite gender.

As you can see, your mind comes up with some pretty complex theories, so to make this easier to understand, let’s draw out the logic that is being used here. First, let’s see how the soul reacts.

Now let’s see how the mind reacts to this same event:

The key point to understand here is that revising your sex drive serves a practical purpose for your mind. Minds always have strategic reasons for what they do, and all sex drive modifications–from bizarre fetishes to massive changes to your preferred targets–are a result of your mind intentionally overriding your natural impulses in order to help you.

Now from here, your mind moves on to deeper levels of analysis about what happened to you. Here is where many minds will become especially focused on the issue of sexual attraction between the two genders.

Now remember: there are many versions of homosexuality. You do not need to experience sexual assault to develop this particular trauma symptom, so let’s not start leaping to false stereotypes that all homosexuals have a history of assault because that is not true at all. Homosexuality is a very vague term which tells us nothing more than that the mind is feeling very upset by something, and that it has linked whatever that issue is to the concept of gender. It might be your own gender or someone else’s gender that your mind is feeling agitated by. In the kind of homosexuality we’re talking about here, your mind feels very disturbed by the fact that you and your attacker are the same gender.

To identify the specific goals your mind is hoping to accomplish by making you homosexual, you need to examine all of the clues it is giving you. Don’t just focus on the fact that you feel attracted to the same gender, because that’s only one piece of the puzzle. There are many other pieces, and it’s only when you start fitting them together that your mind’s underlying agenda starts becoming more clear. One thing that is true in all cases of homosexuality is that this is a symptom of psychological fear. When minds feel calm and unthreatened, they do not waste precious resources on trying to suppress your natural sex drive. All sex drive revisions are indications of stress, and once we realise this, we should respond with compassion towards the stressing element. Shaming your mind for fantasizing about homosexual relations is only going to make the problem worse. You can’t fix stress by piling on more stress. Instead, you need to emphasize compassion and understanding. You also need to take a gentle approach to helping your mind.

Minds do not recover from homosexuality overnight. It is totally unreasonable to tell your mind, “I want you to be acting straight in a week’s time! No more of your nonsense after that!” There are usually deep fears fuelling this issue and very strong, very negative core beliefs. Your mind needs a lot of time and encouragement to work through an issue like this. While that process is unfolding, it is going to continue to cling to homosexuality because it feels like that is its best option. Patience on the part of your soul is a critical part of recovering from any psychological trauma.

My purpose in writing this post is to help those of you who are stressing over being homosexual to start gaining an appreciation for the logic that fuels this particular trauma symptom. Homosexuality is not some genetic fluke; it is an extremely logical and purposeful attempt to solve a problem that your mind considers to be a serious threat to your well-being. While we shouldn’t be celebrating homosexuality, we should certainly be respecting the extremely intelligent and loyal entities that decide to use this very creative self-help strategy.